i have forgotten myself..
i should have never forgotten the honest to God truth in this world..
i am a failure..
i deluded myself to certain circumstances that somewhat elated my present state of mind into thinking that i am not who i am, and that i should not be who i am but should be someone else; someone not a failure..
I AM A FAILURE..
its funny to think that i should have a problem accepting this notion when i really shouldn’t make it a problem. being a failure is a fact of life, as would some people would state. but nay to you, being a failure, i say, is not only a fact of life, but a state of being, a way of life and an exact science.
i had thought that by changing the way i thought, the way i carried myself, the way i learned and even the way i breathed that would escape my own reality. that i would deny myself the fact that i am a failure.
deny myself the fact?! bah! who in his right mind would deny himself from being. the very idea boggles the mind. society tells us that the acceptance of the truth is the first step to a world of change. anthropological horse sh*t. in accepting the truth i had tried to changed who i was and thus have arrived at an outcome not less familiar to someone who has been a failure all his life. SQUARE ONE. where all the idiots go to pool whatever ideas come to mind to come up with a somewhat stable solution to a popular problem.
oh but not i. i stay at that lonely square for i have no legs from which to launch myself. i only thought i had them for in the acceptance of said truth i had tried to alter the fabric that is my reality. i had tried to accept truth in enveloping myself into the madness that was of my own doing or should i say undoing..
so there i am again, in the square with my old friend the blackness. its not just any blackness, its THE blackness. it is the reflection of ones soul, the mirror of ones reality come to life. a cold blanket you can’t seem to break free.
i should never have left. i belong here. it was foolish to have thought that i was not of this place when in reality, i am this place. i am all that it’s got. so foolish was i in not just leaving, but also into thinking that i could be more than what i really am.
REALITY. know your place. never leave. ever.
never dream. ever.
never hope. ever.
they are lies that weaken the mind.
there is no dream.
there is no hope.
i am a failure.